What I Don’t Know Won’t Hurt Me by G.G. Alves (Content Warning)

I watch you every day at 3:13

I gaze at the curve of your jaw; it reminds me of His crescent-shaped hand that would swing at me;

He the bat and I the ball

Across the green and under the blankets, I imagine us there

Two people completely intertwined, but He comes slithering into my mind,

a snake ready to bite and that’s when the flash hits

A polaroid camera takes a picture of Him and me on New Year’s Eve

He takes my hand and claims, “What Bryan doesn’t know won’t hurt him.”

We glide up the stairs to Bryan’s room, “What I don’t know won’t hurt me.”

Yes, hand in hand we lay, unstill, consistently exploring the new territory we have reached

STOP

The real world suddenly rushes in, a moving train getting faster and faster, but I really want to get off

3-He pulls me back under the vast and frightening ocean of covers

Conceals my body with His

2-My fingers quickly double over, formulating a fist, but He’s faster and constrains my body, but releases all of the suppressed thoughts that have occupied my brain

1-My body aches, troubled, confused. My throat is closed, although I bang on it to open up. Who is He? No, I know His name. But who is He to take my being away? Who is He to puncture me with His sadistic and poisonous needle? Scream, SCREAM, SCREAM-

The train ride is over. He took my soul and left me with a broken mind and a swollen heart.

Other trains have passed and through them I’ve seen you. My eyes always look to you. But my vision is strained, and I can never make out a clear image.

But my memory will forever capture Him, all of Him. And without even knowing,

He took you away too.

I’ll be around again tomorrow, though, at 3:13.

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